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You have the right to feel frustrated about the life you could have had, and your mom’s lack of parental ability. But you have fought to not let that swallow you, instead, you’ve built the best possible life under the circumstance which takes guts! I wish you and Mary all the best. Maybe you don’t go for such a Funny Lebakaas Is My Drug Shirt. You clearly have a strong bond with Mary and your mother is oblivious to lots going on (I have a family like this, I feel you). Would you consider moving out to your own place and, while it would be tough in the early days, try and have Mary over as much as possible for both of your sakes. Maybe your mother would be relieved to drop her off at yours and Mary stays the night, stays another night.
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Over time this becomes more normalized and there isn’t ever any “you aren’t fit to be a mother” moment which honestly requires a lot of therapy. Patriarchy is a real cunt for ingraining that idea. Anyway. You maintain a helpful, amicable but emotionally distant relationship with your Funny Lebakaas Is My Drug Shirt: giving yourself some fresh foundations. I’ve had this exact same idea but my mom would end up. Leaving Mary with random babysitters so she wouldn’t have to stay with her, I know it. And on top of it, my mom purposely wouldn’t let me see Mary as a punishment. Because my moving out would mean that she has to work full time again and right now.
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I’m the breadwinner who takes care of all the food and bills. She wouldn’t allow it and I can’t let Mary suffer because of her incompetence. I love this comment and I love you for writing it. Made me tear up. All I dream of is having a Funny Lebakaas Is My Drug Shirt. Garden filled with vegetables and flowers that Mary and I could take care of. Maybe a few chickens too, I would name my chicken Sheila and Mary would totally name her chicken Kirk, after Kirk from Gilmore Girls. And that boy who loves me is probably telling some corny.
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